whoa_shutitdown

I've been thinking so much lately about what life would be like without music. Now, maybe this is a harsh thought, but it doesn't always have to be. I've got many ideas about the way things could be without it; better in some ways, and not so much better in other ways.

Without music, I could go to school and eventually graduate into the working world. In turn, I'd make guaranteed money where I could support a family (hopefully one day soon!) and myself as well. Also, I could find other passions and things that make me just as happy. But I'm not sure that any sort of happiness could be obtained, because music makes me feel better.

I don't know. This is such a pointless post. Just a thought?

I've had a pretty terrible week and weekend. I've done loads of thinking about many different things because I've been alone and a bit pessimistic. In my thinking I've wanted to express my feelings on things, but haven't had anyone to talk to. So here I am, posting in my live journal about a few things that I've been repeating in my head.


-Why is the world the way it is? Human life, as we know it, is an amazing thing in itself. If you've ever taken time to think further into the thought of things not existing, then you most likely know what I'm talking about. We're here on this planet, born into a so called "life" which is really only a part of evolution that will soon die out. It may be odd to think about, but it is all of our existence and being. Now, with that being said, why have certain morals and forces put upon us as beings on a planet, and why have we spent so long living lives by past generations examples?

Because the world is scared of change. We've grown so accustomed to the use of money, oil, water, and many other things that have been either naturally provided, or that have been man made. We have solutions to a lot of our world problems, but are straying away from putting them into effect because of the want and need for material possessions. Just on this fact alone, it's safe to say that the world could be a better place. I can't fathom our life here on earth as different because of the way that I was shown to live by my parents and others who have played key roles in my upbringing. Why have we let our civilization and evolution fall into this hole? Nobody takes the time to bring up these topics on a national or global level, and I'm beginning to wonder... WHY?


- I've realized a lot of things within me that I could seriously change. I have lived most of my life unhappy, I don't exactly know why I have. This doesn't mean that I am always sad, because there are many things in my life that make me very happy. But, I have a few issues within that keep me from being happy sometimes. It's a known fact that I have spent countless hours worrying about things, it is part of who I am. I don't want to be like that. I wish I could get over things a bit better and quit thinking about bad things that aren't happening. I've never been in love before until just recently, and through the process, I've learned a lot more about myself than I have ever known before. I've been so used to a lot of pain and heartache that I almost constantly have my guard up, I'm starting to worry myself so much here lately, and I know something has to be done about it.

I'm also horrible when it comes to talking to people sometimes. I like think that everyone understands my humor and mannerisms, and in doing so I tend to say mean things without even giving it a thought. I don't mean to say these things, but sometimes it happens before I realize what I've said. This scares me sometimes. I've said things that have almost ruined things for me as far as love, music, friendships, and so on. Why? I don't know. All I know is that I had a wake up call this week; I've never been so down in my life. I've been out almost every night drinking and trying to cheer myself up with alcohol, but I've only grown sadder and less open to this world that I live in.

I'm a very jealous boyfriend. I have had a hard time putting all of my trust into my girlfriend, and we have had some very big ups and downs due to this. It's hard for me to know that she's in college and that she's living a college life without me, and also a life with me on the sidelines. Now, it's not that she cheats or lies, at least I hope not, but I get torn apart when I know she's going to be around other guys at parties and things. We need to be more open with each other, and to be more inviting when it comes to doing other things than that in which we're used to. Jealousy takes over me at times and I can't control the uneasy feelings. I feel that if she trusted me more, and we both changed a few things in our relationship, that everything would be fine.


There's so much more, but I am just getting more down as I write this.

A Classic Decision.

When the loss of attention leaves you feeling second best, and for the rest of us...its just a constant reminder of. Just like clockwork you enhanced it on us, but there's a difference btw
lying and coverup. The heart you have has so much potential...but blackened lungs have clogged your better judgement. When things are led to be ok in a dream I find them breaking constantly @ every seam. A better you apparently in the making, to break this bottled love affair it starts with you...It starts with you. Drop my charges, grasp reality. Wake up from this coma that you put
yourself into. Its not a dream...its not a dream anymore...its not a dream. Go Run Home. This is who I really am...the man that has faked for it.

so take my hand, we'll run away to a place where we can stay underneath the cherry trees, and live in peace and harmony.

:[

Sometimes, I feel like I am the biggest failure ever.

REALITY CHECK: Somethings you probably don't know about me.

- I've lived my life stressing out over every single detail involved with everything. Mostly personal things with people that are close to me., but also in other things such as guitar playing and recording. I'm slowly letting it go, I hope I can at least.

- I used to smoke over a pack of cigarettes a day and now I don't smoke any at all!

- I have been playing guitar ever since I was 5 years old. It is probably my best friend besides my girlfriend. Playing guitar has gotten me through some of the worst times in my life and I don't ever see myself stopping. Ever.

Nothing cool lol

So my weekend thus far has been uneventful. I stayed at home last night, woke up and ran some errands. I went to work and then just got off, and now I'm going to the sheds to work on some guitar parts and other things for my band's cd. Jackie and I had a falling out earlier in the week and I was having a horrible time dealing with it until I realized a few things. She did the same as far as realizations and my heart is pounding more than ever. This girl is my heart and soul, and I would do anything in the world for her.

I've never felt so awesome in my life. I've got the best girlfriend that anyone could ever ask for.

off off off to work on music!!

I've had a pretty stressful and miserable past couple of days. Either way, I've got my head up and hopefully everything is going to get better as the weekend/next week carries on.


My band and I are in the middle of recording a 7 song EP, and we tracked ALL of the drums/guitars yesterday. I was recording from 12PM until about 4-5AM, working out guitar parts and leads etc. While I was recording, a cute little stray kitten came into my shed and wouldn't leave! It fell asleep in the bass drum and so I let her hang out with me and then Chris Aleman and I fed it and gave it a home for the night. I woke up today and took it to an animal shelter and went to work.

Typical day @ work, sucked. I got off about 30 minutes ago and I'm just staying at home on a friday night. Time for laundry, writing songs and hanging out by myself! What a fun night.

Pointless post...

This past weekend I went to Charleston and saw New Found Glory, ADTR, ISHC, Four Year Strong, and Crime In Stereo with my girlfriend. It was a pretty fucking awesome show! We stayed the night there at her brothers house and then we woke up mega early and went to North Carolina to get tattoos together.




Then we came back on Sunday and ate lunchhhh and took naps and it was super cute. I'm pretty sure that this weekend brought us so much closer than we were. I'm excited to finally have found someone that makes me happy. Life is so good again

Work 2-9, come see me!

I am the happiest and luckiest guy in the whole entire world. This weekend is going to rule.

Things have been good lately. My band played the other night and it was alright, but it definitely could have been better. My girlfriend and I are getting a lot closer, we get into arguments sometimes but we're getting really good about working them out and making each other feel better about things. She really means the world to me.

I've been writing more and more and more and more songs for new versus the robot, but I haven't recorded them. I'm pretty excited to get them recorded and see how it turns out.

I dont have much else to say, really haha

Today sucked. I had a horrible day at work and my girlfriend left tonight and is going to be gone all weekend. I'm bored and lonely just sitting at home with my family; I haven't been here and hung out in a while. I guess it's a good enough thing as to where I'm making time for my family, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to be here. I wish I could feel better and feel wanted right now, because I could feel so much better than I do.

This is a pretty pointless entry, I don't have much to say.

I feel as if I'm wasting away; I wake up every day around noon, go to work between 1-3, get off about 9-10 and then hang out with Jackie in Columbia until 2 every morning. I come home and get on the computer, sleep, and repeat this process.

That's all, I'm going to be late for work haha

The weather is cold and dark today, but I have a good head on my shoulders. It's me and my girlfriend's one month anniversary; I wish I had money to take her out or buy her something... Hopefully that doesn't make me some kind of bad person or bad boyfriend. Either way, I feel a bit tired and under the weather today. My nose is stopped up and I feel like my health could be a bunch better.

I have to work in 20 minutes, I'm not stoked at all about it because I have to work every day until wednesday the 24th and my band has a show that night. Work gets so stressful and I feel that I could totally find another job. I need to anyway, because Darren and I are moving downtown soon and I need a job down there. I could also make more money, SO much more money.

Hope you enjoy your day,
Charlie

I deleted all of my prior posts, as they weren't relevant to my life now, and I didn't exactly feel the need to start a new live journal. My life has changed quite a bit; good and bad and crazy I suppose you could say.

First off, I've found a girl, Jackie, that I am completely head over heels for. We started dating mid-august and I can honestly say that I'm happy with our relationship. I know a lot of people don't and won't understand that, and that's okay! You are mostly dead to me.

I've been playing music with some awesome dudes from around town, we've been working on a 7 song EP, and it's been HELL! (www.myspace.com/aviaryfire) I can't count the numbers of times we've redone things and made things too cluttered, etc etc. All I know is that I'm happy with the band in general, and I think that if we stick with it, we could easily succeed in some sort of musical career. That being said, I plan to continue on doing versus the robot (www.myspace.com/versustherobot) and finishing up the EP I've been trying to record in my spare time.

Other than music, I've been working a pretty shitty job (to say the least). I am the pizza and sub man at godfather's/blimpie at the Hess Express in Lexington. Not my favorite work, but it puts some kind of money in my pocket. I wish I could take the time to find something more worth-while that would pay me a bit more. I'm not stressing that at the moment as much as I could be, but soon I will surely move on as I move out and get life back together.


That's all for now,
I doubt anyone even remembered I had one of these haha

-Charlie.